i wanted to ignore all those
birthday card greetings
and working alarm clocks.
but i went to work anyway
because your potential pain
hurt me more than mine.

three attempts and tries to
tiptoe away and out,
while shouting at shadows.
dancing in darkened rooms
with no heating or doors--
only indoor plumbing installed.

a faded postcard covered
in dust and "return to sender"
written until two liquified years
of unchanging changes descend.
memory erased of how to.
how to believe in staying home.